Day 4

I was feeling well fucked today due to too much heat at work. So I stayed home all night. But this did give me time to try two half hour sits. My brain is very happy with me right now. I’m doing a half hour at night and ten minutes in the morning as a daily ritual. It does not bother me to sit for so long. I think is due to my Japanese sword training. I will stop counting days now and just post developments as I see fit.

I feel like I just don’t know how to sit up straight. Comes with being born a slacker I guess. I never knew my back could bend in two places. Now I have to keep both of them straight but not rigid.

I had an urge for a glass of scotch. I quenched it with a glass of soymilk; I’m a G.D. hippie now.

I did have a memory of the first time I was introduced to meditation as a kid. My parents put me in Judo lessons when I was like eight. The instructor would have us mediate for a few minutes before and after class. As we sat there trying to follow the instructions he just gave us, he would walk behind us holding a long dowel. When he thought we were not meditating hard enough or falling asleep he would lay the stick on our shoulder. Then he would hit us with a sharp whack with that evil stick from buddha hell. I really didn’t like that part of class.

Day 3

I decided I had to step up my sitting since I might be going to a weekend retreat in three weeks. I wasn’t planning on doing this much meditation for a month at least. But this will be an opportunity to meet with an instructor as I have lots of questions. And it wont be just any instructor it will be the Dharma punk himself Noah. And hopefully my retreat mates will be freaks like myself.

So I got the balls to do a whole half hour today. I made it through but had to move around little after twenty minutes, and then again a few minutes later because I thought maybe my timer was broken. I came away feeling very proud that I can drive myself like I did. I relaxed the pain and met it with kindness. I continually brought my attention back to my breathing. I didn’t do so bad.

The feeling after a meditation sitting is slightly awesome. You feel like your brain just had a lay down and now has just a little more energy and clarity. My back is stiff as shit on a cold winter day, though.

Day 2

My back still burns when I sit, but I was able to relax and not be moved by the pain. I’m learning not to be angry with myself when my mind drifts. I'm supposed to be compassionate with myself.

Something strange is happening. I have become very conscious of things I normally block out like background noises and smells. I think do this due having lived in Chicago. There are so many background noises you could go mad if you paid attention to them all. And there are so many smells, mostly bad to horrid smells that you learn to block them out. We at least if you lived in Uptown.

Today, outside of meditation, I’ve been hearing all the little sounds around me. It’s kind of weirding me out but also new at the same time. I think something is wrong with my car. I can hear it making several strange noises as I drive. Could just be me though.

Day 1

I've just started sitting or meditating today. I did a monstrous ten minutes. It wasn’t too hard to keep my mind still but my back was burning red hot towards the last minute.

My inspiration to start meditation came from Noah Levine and his Dharma Punx movement. I feel I can relate more to these people than grey haired hippie Buddhist types.

I feel myself slipping back into my addictive behavior and need something to help me on the path I've been on for the last eight months. Noah was a drug addict and used meditation and Buddhist methods to keep himself alive. I’m hoping this will work for me as well.

My life is very nice right now and I’ve worked a bit to get it this way. I would hate to loose all this due to my extreme addictive behavior. I can feel myself craving hard drugs / liqueur, and getting lazy. I know if I follow this old path I will end up with AIDS and if I don’t die I know I will wake up in rehab or jail.

So let's have at it. I guess I choose life, go figure.